Last night, I had an epiphany. I remember one night probably about 5 to 10 years ago that I was driving with my mom in the car & expressed to her how frustrated I was that I still didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. Her reply was typical of my mother, infuriatingly calm, simple, passive, and wise: "Why don't you let it find you?"

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not the type of person to sit around and wait for things to happen. I've lived my life by the mantra "God helps those who helps themselves." And while I still believe that you have to take responsibility for your own fate, I've reached that point in my life where I can see the truth and wisdom in my mom's suggestion.

While I did ultimately make the decision to become a therapist and have made progress toward that goal, in retrospect, I realize that my whole life has been grooming me for this. I've known that certain aspects of my life have influenced my career decision -- my mom, my siblings, my upbringing, my temperament, my friends, the loss of Shannon, etc. But last night I began looking at the seemingly meaningless jobs that I have held that were, at the time, just a means to an end. I started to see a pattern and everything made sense.

When Tyson was 2 years old, I started working in te office of a physical therapist, which became a catalyst for other medical office jobs. This position taught me about charting, documentation, insurance billing, and scheduling. When I got the job at Siskiyou Eye Center, it was more of the same but I was introduced into the medical community in Ashland, providing me with the opportunity to learn medical transcription. Through SEC, I also met Marilyn Vicarro, LCSW, a family counselor who is my mentor and has written me several letters of recommendations for scholarships.

I got to thinking last night about some of the contacts I've made and that these people provide a network that have a lot of potential to be future positions in my field. I know three people who work out at the VA Dom, two of whom are in the Psych Dept. Because of Tyson and being involved in the Booster Club and sports through his school, I have contacts within the school district that may help me get a foot in the door there after I get my degree. I make confirmation calls for Marilyn's schedule and although I think she is planning to retire before I graduate, I also know the therapist who will be taking over her client base and I plan to talk to her about recommending me to him for overflow and vacation coverage when I start my private practice. Through medical transcription, I have met many of Ashland's physicians who are a potential source of mental health counseling referrals in the future. And because of my medical office experience, I know the ins and outs of running my own, from advertising to charting to confirmation calls to medical transcription to billing insurance. My business expenses can be kept to a minimum because I will be able to do most everything myself.

All of these years of networking and performing mundane tasks, trying not to burn bridges but never imagining that I would cross them again, have led to this -- the realization of my dreams, now that I DO know what I want to do with my life. All those years that felt like wasted time were simply preparing me so that when I did figure it out, I would have the tools to do it.

Unbeknownst to me, while I struggled impatiently to find my destiny, my destiny had already found me. I think that part of the reason this became clear to me now is because I only have two more terms at RCC before I get my AAOT degree. I remember when I thought I would never go to college. I also remember making the decision to go and writing about it right here in this blog. I remember enrolling in my first class. I remember applying for scholarships and not really understanding how it all worked and what it meant when I was awarded the Ford Scholaship. And now I've almost reached my first milestone, which makes the next two degrees feel that much more possible. I'm almost a third of the way done!

Thank you, Mom, for your good advice, even when it frustrates the heck out of me. Thank you for believing in me always and for supporting my adventurous spirit even when it meant I didn't do things your way.

Grades got posted today and I did get an A in the Motion Pictures class, giving me a 4.0 for the term and an a cumulative GPA of 3.7 (and rising)!

Last night, I went to celebrate my new friend, Clay's, 29th birthday and also called my old friend, Sarah, in San Diego to wish her a happy 33rd birthday. Today I worked like a madwoman to make up for not doing transcription yesterday. Tomorrow, I'm meeting Mary for coffee and going to a new friend's house to make him soup while he recovers from havig his wisdom teeth pulled. Did I mention he's a very hot friend? (Grin)

After visiting Cory this Saturday, I think I'm going to take Tyson to Crescent City to the drive-in and camp out in the redwoods, then get up and play on the beach Sunday, weather permitting. It's been a while since we did something fun, just the two of us, and I want to do something before we're both back in school and there's no time!

Well,I'm off to bed so I can get up early for coffee but wanted to share my good news with my loved ones... Goodnight, y'all!

Been busy as usual and life just seems to be an uphill battle lately. I think I'm experiencing my biological clock and some residual depression as a result. I know better than to dwell & I am wise enough in my many years (ha!) to recognize the many blessings I have receieved - my amazing child that I do have, for one. I know I gush about him all the time, but he really is my biggest source of pride and my consistent ray of light. When my friends let me down, when I feel frustrated in my love life, when I struggle to keep up in school or with work, or when I question myself, I can always look at him and know that I have done something amazing and worthwhile.

He just started football practice last week and is now officially taller than me - no more denying it. He starts 8th grade after Labor Day Weekend.

I withdrew from my online science class over the summer & my grades come out on the 2nd. I know I got an A in my PE & Psych classes but don't know yet if I got an A or B in Intro to Motion Pictures. It was hardly the fun, piece-of-cake class that I thought it would be!

Johny moved back to California after several months of trying to tough it out here. My brother, Allen, resumed classes at RCC with me over the summer & will be continuing in the fall. My niece, Mary, and her boyfriend, Matt, moved up here from Humboldt County & are renting a cute little 2 bdrm house in Medford. He lined up a job before they moved up here but she's still looking. I went to lunch with her and my other niece who lives here, Heather, the other day and last night I went to watch Heather play softball with Tyson & his friend, Sam. Next Saturday, I plan on visiting my nephew (Allen's son) in jail.

I'm hoping to make family and some long-lost friends more of a priority over the next month I have off from school, as well as trying to get some down time for myself and getting more organized and making time to exercise. The problem is, I do still have to work and get Ty all ready for school & football, so I'll still be plenty busy.

Well, hello, outside world! As usual, my blog is way behind the times, but summer's a-comin' & time flies when you're having fun! A few quick things to note:

My nephew, Johny, moved in with me a couple of weeks ago. He's been loving it here & marvels about our sunny weather in contrast to the Norther California coast where he's from. He got my brother's car up & running & registered, so he's using that to beat the streets looking for work. My friend, Ganey, has also been staying with us. Tyson's still being a little stud, except for he just doesn't seem so little anymore. For one thing, I'm just a hair taller than him, now! He has this really great girl that's "just a friend" but they like each other & she comes to watch all of his basketball games with me. She's also a junior olympics gymnast and the top in the state & has a great personality & is cute! Obviously, my boy has good taste.

Anyway, I'm really excited about my next two terms which I finally registered for (and then just one more 14 credit term during winter & I'm done!) & wanted to post the classes I'm taking:

Summer Term:
Core & Cardio (of course!)
Psychology with my first Psych prof -- I got an A+ in her class!
Intro to Motion Pictures (online)
and Physical Science (online)

Fall Term:
Intro to Drawing
First Year Italian
Chorus (!!!)
Backpacking, which consists of one "orientation" & one weekend long hiking/camping trip
Core & Cardio (yup -- again!)
and Philosophy

Seriously, does it even get better than this? I think not...

*Tracy, Bridget, Officer Brett, me, and Vanessa*

The weekend before last, I took a roadtrip down to Red Bluff with my friend Bridget & her two friends, Vanessa & Tracy. We were supposed to go to the rodeo but never made it, due to some inconsistencies between the internet ad & the reality of our reserved motel room which escalated into a "situation" that caused us to call the police. When the owner refused to give us our money back even with the assistance of Officer Brett, we turned on the hot water in the shower, cranked up the A/C full blast & went on down the road to a clean motel room for half the price, where we got ready for the big event of the entire trip: The Palamino Room. Once we arrived, we paid our cover charge of $8 each and did a little bit of dancing (VERY little on my part, as I am still trying to recouperate from the hip & rib injuries from the 4-wheeler accident). We decided it would be more fun, not to mention quite a bit cheaper, to drink the drinks we brought with us & basically had us a ho-down tailgater party in the parking lot of The Palamino Room. Bridget was in cowboy heaven! I ended up drinking entirely too much wine, threw up, & had to be driven (lying in the back of the truck bed) back to the motel room to sleep it off.

We awoke the next morning & went out to breakfast before heading back home in time for Tyson's basketball game. Needless to say, I wasn't feeling all that fabulous, but it wasn't until the next day that I realized that I was actually sick. And it wasn't until a couple days after that that I could hardly breathe, my throat was so swollen. When it progressed to the point where I was waking up crying because my throat, ear, & head hurt so bad, I finally bit the bullet & went to the doctor. (When you're uninsured as I am, you tend to avoid doctors & heal on your own.) He informed me that I had strep throat & prescribed some antibiotics. It's been a rough month!

I have, however, managed to stay on top of all my homework & transcription, as well as work on creating an advice column with my friend, Ganey, for the college newspaper (complete with online blog so students can post their questions anonymously: http://askanythingthosegirls.blogspot.com/). It came out in print today but they haven't posted a link to it online. I'll post it here when they do - I'm really excited about it!

Briefly, other stuff that has been going on includes:
* Tyson is playing for two basketball teams - Ashland & Phoenix/Talent (& starting on both, co-team captain of the P/T team). At one of his games yesterday alone, he scored 24 of the 38 points!
* My nephew, Johny, is coming next week to stay with us while he looks for work & gets a place of his own.
* My friend, Lisa, was let go from the Siskiyou Eye Center.
* I think I'm going to pass on the Italy trip since I can't take Tyson with me. I'd love to go, but am not devastated by the idea that I may not. It just doesn't feel right & I know while there may not be another opportunity like this one, I will eventually get to do my traveling.
* My new friend, Clay, colored my hair a cinnamon brown... Let me know if you like it or the frosted blonde look better.

Happy Easter! Ours began great. Tyson had stayed the night at his dad's house the night before for a belated birthday celebration. I picked him up early and we went to church with my friend, Bridget, and her family in Ashland. They had coffee, hot chocolate, and goodies there. The service was held outdoors and it was pretty chilly but very enjoyable nonetheless. Tyson & I have both missed going to church & agreed that we need to go back more often.

Afterward, we went with Bridget to her parents' ranch out by Emmigrant Lake & had a BBQ. Tyson got really excited upon hearing that they had a quad and would let him ride it around the property. After a 2-minute tutorial, he was off and running, beginning at a snail's pace and gradually becoming more confident. I know Tyson is a safe & responsible kid & he was wearing a helmet, so I wasn't too concerned. He was so proud of himself that he asked if he could give me a ride & I enthusiastically took him up on the offer, skirt & all. I told him to drive safely, since I didn't have jeans on to protect my legs if we wrecked. Everything was going fine until we drove up on the side of a hill & the steering locked when Tyson tried to turn out of the curve. Once I saw that we were headed straight for another quad that was parked by a fire pit, it was too late to say or do anything. We slammed into the parked quad at probably 25 mph or so & went flying. The quad we were riding didn't roll over onto us, thank goodness, but we were both thrown a significant distance, landing on the other side of the fire pit and somehow managing to avoid the broken glass bottles & nails that were everywhere on the ground around us. I landed straight onto my right side with no hands down for protection, landing on my hip & ribs, then continued to roll a few more times. Apparently, this is pretty much what happened to Tyson, too, since we ended up right next to each other on the ground. Several moments passed before either of us could see straight, much less realize what had happened & catch our breath. The first words out of Tyson's mouth were, "Mom, are you okay?" before he began wheezing in a way that terrified me & gave me visions of a rib jutting out through his skin or a stick puncturing his lung or some similarly fatal injury. I replied weakly, "I...think...so...You?" He said he thought he was, too. Then I said a word I never use in his company & he said that he was a dumb-ass. Nothing like a life-threatening crash to lower our inhibitions about swearing in front of the other! As much as I didn't want to move, I thought we should get up & walk back to the house to tell Bridget's parents that we might have damaged their 4-wheeler. Tyson was more concerned about me "getting sued" than his own injuries, bless his heart. On the walk back, he said that of course something bad happened. I asked him why he would say that & he reminded me that it was Easter morning 5 years ago that we got the call about Shannon. I couldn't believe it - this was the first year I hadn't thought about it. We managed to get back up the road to the house & Bridet's mom took one look at us & asked, "What happened? Did you wreck?" Considering that we were both covered in blood, dirt, and soot from the firepit, I thought this quesiton was a tad redundant & replied, "Uh, no. Why do you ask?" & then proceeded to tell them what had happened. We got cleaned up as best we could & came home to recouperate.

Tyson mainly just has some scrapes around his waist line & a bruised rib, but he's so young & athletic that he still went to basketball practice tonight. I, on the other hand, am a little worse for the wear & am having a hard time moving. When we came home, I soaked in the tub to get some of the dirt out of my scrapes because I'm too big a baby to scrub at them & then took some Advil & laid down for a nap. While I was napping, Seth came by to bring an Easter basket for Tyson & came up to check on me when he heard what had happened. He was very kind & sympathetic. When he left, I came downstairs & Ty & I curled up on the couch with a blanket & a movie. Seth came back a little while later with some leftovers from his Easter dinner with his fiance & her family & heated them up for us. I feel guilty for admitting this, but the whole time I was wondering what his ulterior motive for being so nice & thoughtful was. But as far as I can tell, there wasn't one...(?)

So, that was Easter. Today I had a math quiz that I'm not allowed to make up, so I had to throw on some sweats & take my gimp hiney to school, then pick up tapes in Ashland. When I was coming home, I figured that I should probably stop by Wal-Mart for some household items while I was out & managed to back into a truck in the parking lot. I didn't realize that I couldn't see clearly due to my inability to look as far as normal over my shoulder, but I completely didn't see him until it was too late & I'd backed into him. I felt like crying out of sheer frustration, but somehow held it together & exchanged insurance information with the guy, who was very cordial about the whole thing.

Anyway, I'm beat & am gonna take a couple more Advil/Aleve/Tylenol/whatever I can find & go to bed. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow, consisting of math, a test in my music class, and core & cardio, which I'm not really sure how I'm going to do but figure I should at least show up & then go from there.

First of all, I'd like to say Happy Birthday to my big brother & sister, Allen & Christine! I hope it's a special day for you both & that you will feel cherished & reflect upon the many good things in life & know how much you are loved.

An an entirely different note, I applied to the Study Abroad Program in Italy finally for Fall term of 2009. The program is a 10-week term, beginning Sept. 25th & ending on Dec 13th. You all know how badly I want to travel and as I've mentioned before , I really feel like this could be a once in a lifetime opportunity, especially considering that I have the Ford scholarship & they will pay for 90% of the expenses. From what I have gathered thus far, I need to come up with around $700-$1000 for a 10-week stay in Florence, Italy. Amazing! Copy & paste this URL into your browser for the program itinerary (for those who are interested): http://studyabroad.roguecc.edu/studyabroad/studyabroad.html

I got an email from the program director about a half hour ago confirming that Tyson would be allowed to go, but I would need to figure out how to pay for him, and obviously the Ford Foundation won't be helping with that expense. I'm not exactly sure what the right thing to do is. First and foremost, I don't know about leaving the country & not being with Tyson for 10 weeks. That's an awful long time & and an awful long distance. Additionally, I'm not sure what I would do with him if I do go. He doesn't want to stay at his dad's (and we all know that I am not keen on the idea, myself!) but I know Seth would be horribly offended & guilt trip Tyson for not staying with him. Something I was considering is to have Tyson stay a week each with several of my friends & his, to mix things up & not be too much of a burden on others. If anyone has any thoughts/suggestions/advice on this, I'd appreciate some input.

I just wanted to post & briefly recap our birthdays. We didn't end up going to the cabin for quad-riding, camping, and BBQing on Friday as I'd hoped. It was becoming too much of a hassle with no electricity up there & trying to make sure everyone had a ride & camping supplies.

Instead, my friend & neighbor, Bridget, hosted a girls' party for me at her house. She made a fantastic fruit dip & fruit platter & grilled a bunch of yummy veggies on the BBQ & asked everyone to bring a bottle of fruity alcohol so we could make blended drinks. I wore my tiarra & brought over my "Ladies' Night" CD I just burned with all the great chick party songs & we danced & got goofy.

Tobyn was being more than a little obnoxious & was complaining about her drink, asking everyone to take pics of her, and basically just trying to run & steal the show. We decided to go down the the Little Brown Jug to do some karaoke (within a drunken walking distance from my place). Tobyn continued to pull her crap there & I finally had had enough & snapped at her (which would surprise anyone who knows me -- I'm a pretty tolerant person). We have since made peace with each other, once she apologized for behaving that way on my special day & acknowledging what she had done.

The next day, on my actual birthday, Tyson & I went out to breakfast at a local diner & curled up on the couch to watch a movie. He was getting pretty antsy, so I told him I wouldn't mind if he stayed with Triston. I proceeded to watch "My Best Friend's Girlfriend" with Dane Cook, which I've been wanting to see but can't watch with Tyson, & read an entire book from cover to cover in 4 hours just because it was my birthday & I could. It was so relaxing & wonderful.

My sisters, Kathy & Laura, who live in Arizona, decided to get together for my birthday & went to get pedicures (well, Kathy did because she needed one in order to wear the "casually slutty" leopard-print shoes we purchased together last summer & she wore in honor of my birthday), massages, & daquiries. Kathy photo-shoppped me into the pics & posted them on facebook with funny little captions "recalling" things we all did together for my birthday. It was great! The funniest thing about it, though, is that my friends on facebook kept commenting on how much it looked like I enjoyed my birthday based on those pics!

For Tyson's birthday, I ordered him some XBox 360 games he's been wanting (one of them being Guitar Hero Metallica!) & took Jordan & Triston with us up to Eugene Friday after the boys got out of school. We stayed the night with Krista & Dustin & their absolutely wonderful kids & watched Marley & Me. The next morning, we made a big breakfast & I took the boys to play laser tag at Putter's, an indoor, multi-level, black light laser tag course. I hung around for a couple of games & then decided that Krista & I should do some Goodwill shopping while they played a couple more sessions. It's sort of become one of our traditions when I'm up there visiting. It was a short visit & we left Eugene around 5 last night.

Today, I'm trying to get some transcription done & stay on top of homework, but it's hard to concentrate when the sky is blue & cloudless & the sun is doing its best to lure me outdoors into its warmth. Anyway, I'm gonna try to get a little more done before I succumb to the temptation!

Today was Tyson's 13th birthday and I am more in love with him every single day I know him. I know I gush to a disgusting degree to any willing party on (at least!) a daily basis, but today of all days, I think it's in order.

I woke up this morning & did my usual morning ritual of crossing the hall to Tyson's room & rapping lightly on his door before opening it (he's a teenaged boy -- I am NOT taking any chances!) & told him to wake up & jump in the shower. He sits straight up & the first words out of his mouth are, "I'm a teenager today!" I grinned & told him Happy Birthday, to which he replied, "Can I play hookie today since it's my birthday? I'm getting straight As & have only missed one day of school this year so far." And really, how could I argue with that logic? He was pretty stoked about that. I then told him I would make him anything he wanted for breakfast in bed & he told me that he just wanted me to come snuggle & watch The Morning Show With Mike & Juliet for 15 minutes before I had to start getting ready & he'd get breakfast later. I wasted no time in accepting the invite & as I flopped onto my belly beside him, I wrapped my arms around him & told him that I am so glad I got him for my son. He told me that he was really glad he got me for a mom & added that we both really could have it much worse.

God has blessed me so completely with Tyson. I think this is why I'm unlucky in love. I can't be greedy, so I should just be grateful that I won the mom lottery. And when I need a guy's opinion or someone to snuggle with or give me a backrub or help me clean house, I have one! Sure, there are (ahem) certain areas where a woman my age might appreciate some male companionship that a son can't provide, but that's so insignificant in the big scheme of things. And Tyson has been so much more supportive, understanding, encouraging, and compassionate than any adult male I have ever known.

Today of all days, I just wanted to shout it from a mountaintop (or virtually from a blog into cyberspace): I love my son. I am so proud of the young man he has become. Happy 13th Birthday, Tyson!!!

Oh, my - it has been AGES since I've posted. Sorry, guys! Well, here's a little update:

The last couple of weeks, especially, things were crazy, what with finals & all. I managed to pull an A in my Technical Report Writing class & my Sociology/Gerentology class. I actually got 103% in Soc, since he gave us an opportunity for extra credit. I did an "older adult" interview of my friend, Darlene, from the Eye Center. The Tech Writing was no easy feat - I learned so much from that experience, though, & even pulled my first all-nighter of my college experience thus far. I'm hoping to never have to repeat it, too! The prof actually asked me for a copy of my report to use as a student sample to inspire future students & that was really awesome, because I remember the first day of her class, seeing these student samples & thinking that I could never achieve that level of greatness. :)

Unfortunately, I did only get a B in both Math & Bio, but the good news is that I only need one more Math class (I registered for Math 243 "Probability & Statistics" for next term, which will be a nice change of pace from the last 4 terms of Algebra!) & one more Science. I've decided to cut back on my workload & not take math & science concurrently & also to take 12 credits rather than 16 so that I can get my GPA back up there. What's also nice is that I don't have to take another Science with a lab, like I've had to, & that means that I won't have those late night classes. So the rest of my Associates Degree from RCC will be spent immersed in Literature, Arts, Music, & Sociology/Psychology ~ exactly what I love! I enrolled in Intro to Rock Music & its Literature next term & am really stoked to finally get to take a Music class! I'm still planning to look into the Sociology Program Italy & they are starting to enroll for that now, so I need to get on it. For now, I'm just trying to use Spring Break (which only lasts for a week!) to get caught up on all the transcription I put off for finals. An added bonus would be to get some housework done & to read a book & watch movies with Tyson & maybe hike Table Rock.

I've also managed to go on a couple of dates & have another one for tomorrow night with a new guy I've never met (friend setup). I'm toying with the idea of using this whole crazy dating experience as fodder for some freelance writing that I'm considering submitting to mags for publishing. I'm pretty sure that's the kind of writing that I want to do & besides, I may as turn my dating nightmares into something humorous, right?!

Last but not least, Tyson's doing great - He got all As except for 2 Bs on his report card & was awarded the "Mad Skillz" award by his coach in AAU Basketball. The coach called to tell me he had to make up a special award for him, since he was "the best player on the team!" His social life is also going really well & he has made some really good friendships with guys from the basketball team & is even considering (gasp!) playing football next winter. The coach already told Tyson he wants him to be quarterback, because he knows he's a leader & has such great athletic ability. He's interested in girls but still manages to stay focused on his goals for the most part. As a matter of fact, his cousin from Seth's side of the family has "hooked him up" with a girl that he's been texting with the past couple of days & they want to meet at the mall & hang out.

Our birthdays are coming up! I think on Friday, I'm going up to my friend, Bridget's cabin & we're going to have a girls' night & ride motorcycles & quads. For Tyson's birthday, I'm still not sure what we're doing. He wants to play laser tag in Eugene but I could only take a couple friends. I was originally going to rent a suite in Medford & let the boys "party it up" so he could have a bunch of people, but I want to do what he wants, since after all, it is HIS birthday. We'll see...

So, that's the update. I'll try to keep up on this, but we all know that my good intentions don't always result in fruition. Love & miss y'all!

http://clubs.roguecc.edu/Byline/

I have recently discovered, or perhaps simply accepted, two things about myself: I am a procrastinator and I thrive on a certain level of chaos. As much as I don't like these qualities, that's the only explanation for my lifestyle. I always have too much on my plate and then, when I clear it, I still don't get everything done I said I would. I'm not really sure yet what I'm going to do with this insight, but felt like it was important to acknowledge it, at least to myself.

Well, starting with news on Tyson... His AAU team still hasn't won a single basketball game. We played two games yesterday & he played really well, as did several of the other boys on the team, but the other teams played better. His knees are still not recovered to the point they should be, but are managable. We ice after the games & sometimes I give him some Iboprofen but I'm not really sure what the right thing to do is. I'd like to get an MRI & see if there is any damage to the ligament. Ty's doing really well in school. I got a letter from school last week that he was nominated for student of the month & got his report card the next day. He has all As except for two Bs and there was a comment by one of the teachers that said, "Superstar!" What a stud. I complimented him profusely on his achievements & told him how proud I was of him.

I wish I had a little more of his self-discipline. I got really behind when I filled in for Brenda & added six more docs to my already full transcription load for a week. I've been doing assignments the day they're due & barely getting things in by deadline. I didn't make the deadline for The Byline, the RCC newspaper, with an article I told the advisor I'd do. I was helping several people apply for scholarships at the time, though, so I put together some written advise & resources at my sister, Kathy's, suggestion & emailed it to him & he put it in the paper! I still need to do the other article, which is a review off the $1.99 breakfast special at a 50s/60s diner 4 blocks away from the school. I took my brother, Allen, there & we really liked it.

There's been a lot of other stuff going on, too, but I really need to go grocery shopping & get started on some homework. I really do want to get caught up & have some down-time! Just because I thrive on chaos doesn't mean I want it to be a constant way of life...

Well, today is the first day of the new term. I am bound & determined to do better this time!! I already did my online math homework, which is the only class I've had so far. That should free me up to go to the tutoring center all this week for the written homework due on Monday. I also bit the bullet & used my financial aid money to get the required calculator for this term. I was borrowing a more high-tech model from Lance & none of my tutors, teachers, or peers knew how to use it, so I had to do things the really loooooong way. Hoping that will change if I'm using the same claculator as everyone else. I'm all caught up on transcription & am planning to read at least some of the Bio text for tonight's class so I'll be ahead of the game. Right after class, I have a parent meeting for AAU basketball at Ty's school.

Yesterday, Ty & I went to see Yes Man with Jim Carrey. It was great! Afterward, we went out to dinner and, yeah, I'm broke again... I'm hoping to budget better when I get my school money this month, too.

Break was fun, but way too short. I went to a lot of house parties & out with friends & basically didn't get much rest, but did have a good time. It's hard to decide which of the two is more important! Anyway, I do hope that everyone had a great Christmas & New Year!

Well, I got my grades, but have been reluctant to post them. I suppose it's time to 'fess up: I got an A- in Sociology, an A- in Writing 122, a B+ in Core & Cardio, a B in Biology 101, and a B in Math 93. My new and unimproved GPA went from a 4.0 to a 3.74. Next term, I'll be taking Bio 102, Math 94, Core & Cardio, Writing 227 (Technical Report Writing), & Sociology 230 (Intro to Gerontology) online for a total of 16 credits. But that's enough about school!!! (At least for another couple of weeks...)

I didn't get around to Christmas cards or baking this year. Ty will be at his dad's for Christmas Eve & morning. Other than doing transcription, the only other thing I've done is to sign up for a free 2-week trial to a tennis club with my friend from school. That way we can work out indoors while I don't have P.E. class. Tyson starts his 2-week break tomorrow. He had a basketball tournament all weekend, so that's what we did. I'm just totally drained & can't really get motivated to start any of the projects I told myself I'd do during break. Bah humbug!!

Well, school's out for the next few weeks, thank goodness! I was on extreme burnout there for a while. I think, overall though, I did well on all my finals. I'll post when I get my grades back to let y'all know how I did in the end.

My big plan for the break is to clean everything in sight - my house, yard, & jeep. I never have the time when I'm in school. I'm also planning to get caught up on the current season of Grey's Anatomy & maybe even Private Practice, the Grey's spinoff. This weekend, I'll be doing photography with Lisa's step-daughter & am supposed to go bowling with Lisa & Becky. I'm hoping that the break will allow me the time to catch up with some friend time that I've been neglecting & also some Tyson time. We've played a little Rock Band 2 (early Christmas present to us!) last night, but I didn't have time before because of finals. So, I'm looking forward to playing that some more & also being able to go to his last two school games. The AAU season has begun & it sounds like it's going to be 9 months long!

In the midst of finals, would you believe it - I'm having a fabulous day! I got an A on that stupid math test that I was bawling over & I still have a chance at an A- overall in math. I spoke w/ my bio prof after he corrected his grading & I have a high B, so I could possibly end up with an A there, too. Now I just have the research paper to worry about, but that's not due until Thursday. I took my soc final today & feel pretty confident that I'll get an A in that class.

Also, Tyson decided that he wanted to make his own $ for Christmas this year & has been selling items on ebay. (I finally created an account under my name for him.) In one week, he made over $100!! Some of that had to be paid out for shipping, but that still left him with an $80 profit. What an amazing & enterprising kid I have! Life is good...

Here is the link to my new article: http://clubs.roguecc.edu/Byline/

Must. Focus. On. Finals...

Well, the show must go on, as they say...and so must I. Even though I'm up to my eyeballs, I just wanted to reassure everyone that I'm back on track, at least for now. I'm not going to give up or withdraw from any classes. I'm going to get the bets grades I can & work as hard as possible to do so. And I'm going to have to settle for less than perfect. But, as with most things that haven't gone my way in the past, I will turn the mistakes into learning experiences & hopefully do better the next go-round.

This weekend will be a busy one. Today, I've been working on my Soc final. Tonight, I agreed to go to a womens' social at Becky's g'ma, Greenie's church in Shady Cove. Lisa & I will meet Becky in Shady Cove & we'll all drive out together. Tomorrow, Tyson has an AAU tournament that he needs to be at by 10 am & I think his last game is at 3:45. I'm planning to bring homework along or head home in between games if there's enough time. I won't miss his games, though. It really bothered me that I had to miss so many school games this term, but they always had them during Bio. I guess Sunday's tourney schedule will depend on Saturday's games. I also have a research paper to write this weekend & I haven't even started, although it's worth 40% of my grade!! So, yeah, still freaking out a little bit, but trying to be proactive about it. Anyway, I could go on, but won't bore you with the details. The important thing is that I'll drop off the map for the next week or so to try to get everything done in time, but didn't want to leave you hanging on the depressive note of my last post.

One positive & exciting thing: the Byline editor asked me to do an article on one of the college's new clubs & I was able to pull of the pic, interview, and article by deadline (all done yesterday in between classes)! Vince, my writing instructor & Byline advisor, was editing it last night & said it was a good article & that I had good interviewing skills. The article is supposed to be on the front page. I'll be sure to post a link when it's published. I really had a great time doing it & think it turned out pretty well, too.

I am in a serious funk & don't know what to do about it. I've always prided myself on being tough, smart, independent - a fighter. I don't know if I believe any of those things anymore. I am struggling in school & I look around & see all these other people doing just fine. I just want to give up, go back to the real world where it was easy to just do my time & get a paycheck, pay my bills, take care of my kid, and make everyone proud. When I made the decision to go to college, I was doing just fine, so I thought I could do even better. This is the last week to withdraw from classes without getting a bad grade. I'm looking at having to do this in Math & Bio, but it means that I paid for 8 credits that I won't get and that I have to redo a whole term of each, all over again. I literally walked out of my math class in tears today & I was so embarassed because I almost lost it in the hall when a girl from class asked me how I did on the test. Anyway, sorry for the depressing post, but I just needed to get it out there. Now I need to do a Bio lab for tonight's class before I have to pick up transcription.

Never one for false modesty, here is a link to my three Byline articles (and pics, complete with photo creds) that came out in the school newspaper today:
http://clubs.roguecc.edu/Byline/
Now I feel ready to do what I plan to do every day... Take over the world!!