Wednesday, December 03, 2008
I am in a serious funk & don't know what to do about it. I've always prided myself on being tough, smart, independent - a fighter. I don't know if I believe any of those things anymore. I am struggling in school & I look around & see all these other people doing just fine. I just want to give up, go back to the real world where it was easy to just do my time & get a paycheck, pay my bills, take care of my kid, and make everyone proud. When I made the decision to go to college, I was doing just fine, so I thought I could do even better. This is the last week to withdraw from classes without getting a bad grade. I'm looking at having to do this in Math & Bio, but it means that I paid for 8 credits that I won't get and that I have to redo a whole term of each, all over again. I literally walked out of my math class in tears today & I was so embarassed because I almost lost it in the hall when a girl from class asked me how I did on the test. Anyway, sorry for the depressing post, but I just needed to get it out there. Now I need to do a Bio lab for tonight's class before I have to pick up transcription.
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4 comments:
Don't be so hard on yourself. This is a new venture and there will be challenges along the way. This journey is yours and yours alone, do not let other people's opinion (expressed or assumed) guide your life. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to drop a class, do it. If you just need a girl's night out... go. A stumbling block is just another way of tesing your resolve to follow your dreams, but be sure they ARE YOUR dreams.. not someone else's that you subconsciously feel the need to fullfill. That's the advice from Dr. Laura. I will pray for you to find direction and the laughter that still exists in your soul. Find Peace.
Do you think of yourself as perfect, without fault, or are you human? You are judging yourself on an ultra-human scale, & cannot possibly pass. STOP IT!!! There are no mountain tops w/o valleys. no ups w/o lows. You couldn't know happiness w/o also knowing sadness.
Also,, on a more basic thought, this is the time of year to feel down. Less sun(ask Kathy how that affects you), & 'tis the Christmas season....... when all feel the "blues" because they can't do/buy/give the gifts that they would like to give.
This to, as all else has, will pass & you will be back to your sunny self.
Ya know what, though? I do have the greatest, most supportive family. I sure do appreciate you guys & all your support & encouragement. You really have no idea... It makes me feel a little less alone in this. Thanks, guys. I love you all a ton!
Wow! I'm so late in posting, but wanted to say that you are that person that you've always prided yourself on being. Everyone who knows you would describe you that way, so you need to cut yourself some slack. I'm so proud of you for going for your dreams when it would have been easy to stay complacent with how things were. You're doing this because it's your dream and it's your time now to shine! You may not feel so shiny during all of this, but look at what a lump of coal goes through to be a diamond! You are a diamond, there's no doubt about that, and unfortunately you'll have some times where you're feeling all the pressure that is shaping you. {{{{HUGS}}}} You know that we're all just a phone call away and understand what you're feeling. We're all there for support when you start feeling like falling (except if it's from too many margaritas, in which case your local friends will have to suffice). ;0)
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