For those of you who don't already know, my best friend, Shannon Rose, killed herself a year ago last April 10th, at age 27.

She & I met on the new student orientation day for Riley Creek Elementary, where I would be attending 7th grade the following year. She invited me & my other best friend, Sarah, to sit with her at lunch.

With any friendship that lasts from the age of 12 and well into adulthood, we knew eachother's deepest, darkest secrets, raised our kids together, and just had one of those once-in-a-lifetime bonds, where you can be completely honest with the other person and know that you won't hurt the other's feelings, because everything comes from a place of love, and both of you know that. Of course we didn't agree on absolutely everything, but we had a mutual respect & could acknowledge our differences without arguing over them.

When we were in 8th grade, she had a crush on a 7th grader & I encouraged her to go out with him, hold hands, etc. Little did either of us know that this would be her future husband and father of her three children, the first being born our senior year in high school.

After the birth of her second child (and a good ten years into her relationship), Shannon strayed outside of her marriage and got involved way beyond her control with a likewise married man. After a couple of years had passed, I finally told her flat out that I couldn't support what she was doing & warned her that she could lose everything - her family, her husband, her kids, her reputation...her sanity. It takes a lot out of a person to lead a double life, not to mention that she was going through nursing school (a lifelong dream of hers) and holding down a solid 4.0 GPA. I knew it couldn't last forever. There finally was a turning point in our friendship where I couldn't be supportive or just look the other way.

Close to a year passed by, during which time, the truth came out about the affair, Shannon got pregnant with her ex-husband's third child (finally, the girl she'd wanted for years!) and went into a mental institution twice for a bipolar disorder.

I finally got a call from Shannon one day, telling me that she had given birth to her baby girl just weeks before, and asking if she could have Tyson come visit with her over spring break. (Tyson and her son, Kyle, were best friends, too.) I know that it might seem crazy to some that I would allow Tyson to stay with her, but I knew that if I could trust anyone on this earth to treat Tyson well and take good care of him, it would be her. She adored him so much & thought the world of him. During the phone call, I tried to explain to her why I'd put so much distance between us, and she wouldn't hear of it. She said that she completely understood and that I had been right. I drove Tyson up to Gold Beach to drop him off & ended up staying the night with them, during which time she filled me in on her custody case and how lonely she was. We talked a lot, and even laughed a little. I'll never forget when she said that I should feel special, because she hadn't laughed in a really long time. I came back home, and she drove Tyson back at the end of the week and stayed the night with us. She slept almost the whole visit, which I attributed to having a newborn and to being depressed over not having her boys with her. When she hugged me goodbye, I didn't know that it would be the last time, or I would've held on tight & not let go! The one thing she chose not to talk to me about...

Anyway, the reason that I wanted to share all of this is that I'm going to visit with Sarah (the aforementioned other best friend from 6th grade) when she comes to see her mom in Portland on October 15th. I plan to just drive up Saturday & come back Sunday, so that Tyson can just stay the night with a friend. As I made these plans, it had occured to me that Shannon's birthday was October 16th. At work, I subscribe to the Oregon Dept. of Human Resources online, and yesterday I received a notice that there would be a Suicide Prevention/Awareness walk in Portland on October 16th, when I just happen to be there! I get chills just thinking about it & I'm definitely doing the walk!