Random musings

I just got back from an hour-long bike ride in this beautiful, 75+ degree weather! I so enjoy these rides and I can't believe I let myself forget just how much. I haven't made exercise a priority in the last 9 months, since I'm pretty focused on school and Tyson. But a friend's boyfriend, of all people, reminded me how much better we feel and how much more productive we are when we make time to exercise. With the increasingly steady appearance of the sun, I feel more motivated to get out and get moving, and I was thinking today about how beneficial it is to my mental state as well as the physical. I work too hard. I've recently realized I'm a control freak. Actually, someone joked about it and it resonated with me in such a way it echoed in my head for days afterward. I mentioned it to a friend, who laughed so hard he spit beer out his nose and told me he thought I knew that about myself. Like a movie montage, my mind recalled several different moments where I should have taken note, but didn't. And, hey, I'm making peace with it. I think at this point in my life, when I need to be on-task and successfully traverse my own college graduation and application to grad school in addition to helping prepare and plan Tyson's future with him, while making the transition to living on my own for the first time since I was 19, I need to be meticulous and dedicated to my goals. For this reason, I'm embracing my inner control freak for the time being. However, I will revisit this issue when the dust settles. I want spontaneity and messy relationships eventually. Just not right now. I'm actually, for the first time in my life, in that place where everyone always says you should be as a single person. The grass is greener from where I stand, being single. I'm independent and able to focus on what's really important. No one around to distract me or make me question myself or to have to compromise with/for. And, although this also means no one to see me naked, I plan to use this opportunity to work on my physical appearance for the sake of self-confidence and for my health. Not to fit someone else's ideal. I like it here, by myself, where no one can judge me. I like being in a crowd by myself, so I can take it all in without someone else's perception clouding my own. Well, those are my somewhat-deep-thoughts for the day. Back to work I go. I have four stories due this weekend and I want to get them done before Tyson gets back from Salem, where he's playing with his travel team.